fatigue
i’ve been hiding for so long now.
and i am tired.
i am tired of the hate and violence
as i peek out from behind my pink chiffon curtains,
sheers, really. just enough to hide
the truth.
i am tired of the voices and perceptions
that are not mine but they are mine
and i have not the strength
to hold them deep within my skin.
i am tired of walking down the staircase
to the front door, to the car door,
to the freeway, to the place in the
shadows where i tremble in fear.
i am tired of his indifference, the repetition
in his movements, the sound he makes
when he is finished, the taste of his
lips before he sends me on my way.
i am tired of sounds and screams,
of being blind, of being alone
here in the deep recess of who
i will never truly be.
vehemence
she lingers still
in the back of my mind
as i take his passion
and beg for his violence
and lay lost in my own fascination
inching toward the grave
sometimes i think of her as i try to sleep on my leaper’s bed
eyes slowly close, body aches, tremor through aging neurons
her face smiling as she speaks in a whisper telling me
that we should be friends, just friends, and nothing more
and i pursued her for three years, just as i pursue her now
in memory and in dreams
sorrow
i’m restless
angry
something is not right
askew
the sky is dark
winds fearless
demanding attention
birds scramble
lions roar and fall
mothers clutch babies
to their bosom
it’s April
nearly May
i’m lonely
empty
emotionally dead
trembling
a tire needs replacing
i fired my gardener
i am the gardener
vines climb through windows
i am quiet
everyone is screaming
i have no purpose
i am just dead weight
ballast for a voyage
one without return
death knell
never more so than today
have i felt my soul
torn away from me.
the demon gods of
corporate greed and avarice
circle around me
littering sotted silver
and gold coins
at my feet,
whispering lies
about caring,
about fairness,
about ethical
treatment of all
humanity,
when all we do
is hammer the coffins
shut and dance
naked around a fire.
